Former America’s Next Top Model contestant Sarah Hartshorne has reflected on feeling pressured to kiss a male model during her time on the show, years after publicly discussing childhood sexual abuse.

Speaking on a recent podcast, Hartshorne recalled participating in a challenge that required contestants to kiss male models. She said that although she felt uncomfortable, she believed she had little ability to refuse because of the competitive nature of the program.

According to Hartshorne, her past experiences with abuse influenced how she responded in the moment. She explained that she had learned to prioritize other people’s expectations over her own comfort and remembered thinking that she “had no other choice” but to go along with the assignment.

Hartshorne has previously spoken about surviving childhood sexual abuse and has discussed how that trauma affected her boundaries and decision-making in later situations. In reflecting on the modeling challenge, she said the experience highlighted the power imbalance contestants often felt while filming reality television.